Hatchet (2006)

0 STARS: WARNING-- "Hatchet" is not horror; it's a joke.

A friend of mine recommended "Hatchet" to me as a movie that would get horror back to its glory days. After reading some negative reviews about it, my expectations were tempered a bit, but I decided to watch it anyway.

"Hatchet" is about a group of people who go on a boat tour in a Louisiana swamp. However, this particular swamp, as legend would have it, is home to a brutal murderer or his ghost. The plot is not bad in and of itself. However, what transpires in "Hatchet" is basically a largely tasteless so-called comedy which utilizes extreme gore and over the top violence to appeal to a specific audience that finds this stuff to be entertaining. In a sense, "Hatchet" is actually a movie which trashes the horror genre, which is fine if that is what you are looking for.

Perhaps I was drawn into this movie by thinking that it was going to be an old school horror movie. However, "Hatchet" is certainly nothing of the sort. I honestly do not see what anyone means by this movie representing any kind of horror of the past. To me, "Hatchet" is a movie which is very similar to "Monster Man" in style, which is another movie that utilizes extreme and over the top gore mixed in with crass humor to appeal to a specific audience. In my opinion, it is not horror; it's just stupid.

The truth is that "Hatchet" represents what is really pathetic about the horror genre today. "Hatchet" does not take itself seriously, and while that is fine in and of itself, I guess I was just expecting something else. As far as horror goes, there is none in "Hatchet" except for some extreme blood and gore, which is rather poorly done in my estimation. People that love blood and gore (gorehounds) will probably love "Hatchet", but that is all that it has to offer and it's certainly not creepy, eerie, chilling, scary or disturbing in the slightest. In short, there is no horror. On the contrary, "Hatchet" unfortunately provides the true horror movie fan with a boring and cliched story, horrendous acting and directing, a terribly executed plot, some lame blood and gore signifying nothing, some largely crass humor, and just a phony/fake horror movie all the way around. Basically, this movie is a complete waste of time as far as I am concerned, and I am so glad that I only watched it on cable. That being said, I could have thought of at least a billion other more enjoyable ways to spend that hour and a half of my Halloween. November 2, 2008

Horrible Movie

Please don't waste your money or time on this movie. It is by far the worst horror movie I have ever seen. Very stupid, horrible acting, and bad story. There is pointless flashing and you find yourself just laughing at the fact that someone put their money up to make this movie. You will be better off buying any other horror movie. Don't waste your money. October 29, 2008

Gory and funny...frustrating and stupid...what's with the mixed reactions? Here's why...

"Hatchet" is definitely one of the most talked-about horror movies of the past year or so, but not necessarily talked-about in a good way; this movie has recently become notorious for getting many mixed reactions. I myself even feel mixed about this movie. So the big question with "Hatchet" is this: WHY does this movie get so many mixed reactions?
The biggest reason in my opinion is this: "Hatchet", as funny and gory as it is, suffers from being UNEVEN.
I personally liked the movies because the first half was basically a comedy, and rather entertaining at that. The movie also has excellent gore, though the first three kills are a little hard for my eyes to watch. Anyway, I also think the characters of this movie are very true to life. I can really see myself and a friend of mine acting like Ben and Marcus, at least a little bit.
So the humor, gore and characters are all strong points of "Hatchet", so why do people dislike it? I, like many other people, feel like this:
Well, let me ask you this: Why did all the Friday the 13th and Halloween movies keep you entertained? They were consistent with the action, murders and plot! There would be a slower scene of people talking, then somebody goes off and gets killed. The pace picks up a bit, and the tension rises.
With "Hatchet", everything occurs slowly, and basically saves most of the horror for the end. Don't get me wrong, that can definintely work in movies, just look at the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". They basically saved the scariest stuff for the last half-hour.
But with "Hatchet", it's easy to get bored, frustrated or agitated at the movie because it's very inconsistent, and the characters are often getting angry or acting dumb...all right, never mind that last part, lots of characters make bad choices in slasher films, heh-heh.
So what's the final verdict on "Hatchet"?:
If you want a funny slasher-horror with lots of gore, RENT IT.
If you want a short, easily digestable movie and have nothing better to do with your time, RENT IT.
If you want a genius OR serious OR consistent horror movie, SKIP IT.
If you want an original movie that breaks new ground, or it at least rather imaginative, SKIP IT.

So "Hatchet" was good for a one-time view and I might search it again online and rewatch it sometime in the future. I can tell that they had lots of great ideas for this movie but unfortunately, all the good stuff as in funny scenes, gore shots and character development, was mixed with boring stuff, frustrating stuff, or just generally uninteresting scenes. Watch it if you like, but don't expect Victor Crowley to take Jason Voorhees's spotlight in the Slasher Hall of Fame! Thanks for the time, and peace. October 25, 2008

gore,gore,gore

Hatchet is a movie that most people will either love or hate.but i for one feel this was a good movie.it revolves around victor crowley played by kane hodder of jason fame.the blood and gore in this movie are just awsome and the kills are very creative.the store is a little lacking in the depth department but its forgivable since the movie is fun to watch.it has cameos by various horror movie legends like tony todd and robert englund.the movie is funny at times but in a good way and it dosent slow or lag in any way.onc eyou start watching this movie you will want to see it through all the way.but this unrated cut is NOT for the sqemish because like i said before the kills are very violent and grusome but if your like me this will be a plus.overall worth checking out if you like horror and gore in excess. October 23, 2008

Dumb.

I was hoping for a creepy slasher film with a decent story. What I got was just plain dumb. It starts off in the similar slasher fashion. Some horny 20 somethings on vacation in New Orleans to get plastered and laid. One of the guys just can't get over his ex so he decides to take a haunted swamp tour. The tour doesn't happen quite as planned and hijinx ensue.

My major gripe with the film is the antagonist and its back story. I thought it was just something stupid and thrown together. There were definitely funny moments, but any redeeming factors were usurped by the ending. If you really wanna see it, either rent it or check it out on one of the movie channels. October 14, 2008

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