The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

I like Romancing the Stone better

Although I like this movie, I like Romancing the Stone much better. I don't find myself watching this very often but still wanted it in blu-ray. I was disappointed with the video and audio quality of this movie as well as Romancing the Stone. They both are about the same quality in that regard. I was expecting more. Although better than standard dvd it is slightly below average in blu-ray quality. December 20, 2008

OUTSTANDING DVD EDITION

I'm the only one who enjoyed this movie more than Romancing of stone? Actualy i've seen this one 5 years before Romancing, during my childhood and i'm very pleased about this edition. November 19, 2008

Fantastically Bad Cinema: Jewel of the Nile

I had forgotten about the movie "Jewel of the Nile" (1985) until I attended a small performing arts theater tucked into the wilderness of the Lake Region of Maine. There - in a theater that looked more like a barn than a stage -- I caught the rather amusing one-man show of Avner Eisenberg.

He did physical comedy, mostly complicated pratfalls. While perusing his biography in the program, I found this nugget: Eisenberg appeared in "The Jewel of the Nile" as the jewel.

What? I thought, is it even possible that I never watched the sequel to "Romancing the Stone" (1984)? But I had no memory of the movie -none. So when I got home, I rented it.

And it all came back to me - like a horrible nightmare.

"The Jewel of the Nile" is proof that you can't always return to the well. Because sometimes the well water turns into putrid sewage and if you drink it: you will die.

My first reaction was to track down Eisenberg and beat him with a rubber chicken.

"Jewel" is an epic disaster - a sequel so ill-thought out, poorly directed, horribly written, and featuring performances so lackluster one could argue that Michael Douglas wasn't even aware that he was in the movie. And I had seen it before - but had purged the memory from my brain.

I actually turned it off, but the next night, I was drawn back to it like a moth to a candle. The movie was so damn bad that I couldn't help myself. It's unfortunate because "Romancing the Stone" was such an unexpected pleasure. It brought a refresh to the old-fashioned romantic adventure - with some laughs thrown in.

What made "Romancing the Stone" a hit was the chemistry between Kathleen Turner's Joan Wilder and Douglas's Jack Colton. She was the repressed writer and he was the wild, roguish adventurer. The way the two actors played off each other made for a funny, delightful escape.

However, the success led to the rushed making of the sequel the very next year.

And sometimes speed kills.

The biggest problem with "Jewel" is the writing. The script is so improbable that it borders on the ridiculous. We're supposed to believe that Wilder - a bestselling romance novelist - would agree to write a biography about a Middle Eastern dictator she knows absolutely nothing about (he turns out to be a deranged tyrant).

Never mind the outrageous probability that said dictator, Prince Omar (played without irony by Spiros Focas), would even consider personally traveling halfway across the world to recruit a romance writer as his official biographer. The question viewers want answered is: "Why?" Unfortunately, there is no answer.

Then there's an attempt at a plot where Eisenberg - playing an oafish, but lovable religious leader - must be killed by the dictator so he can become the ultimate ruler of this fictional Middle Eastern kingdom before Eisenberg can be. Who this "Jewel" is and how he became a powerful religious icon is never explained. In fact, we're not quite sure what religion we're even talking about.

But forget all the plot holes and the lapses in reason that riddle the script. Hell, forget about the bloated budget and the unnecessary explosions and camel chases (but most of all forget about Danny DeVito, who delivers one of his worse performances ever).

The real problem with "Jewel" is that Douglas and Turner spend the majority of the movie separated.

Amazing, isn't it?

But how can that be, one might ask. Wasn't the success of the first movie the tit-for-tat exchanges between the actors? Wasn't it the super-charged romantic chemistry that ignited the screen the first time?

Apparently, the producers, director and writers forgot about that.

Like most of the movies we feature in Fantastically Bad Cinema - "The Jewel of the Nile" has to be seen to be believed. Just suspend any notion that you might be watching a real movie and dive into one of the most disappointing busts of the eighties.

Why not read some more literate blather at the Dark Party Review at http://darkpartyreview.blogspot.com/. November 2, 2008

Jewel of the Nile - Blu-ray Info

Version: U.S.A / Region A
Aspect ratio: 2.35:1
MPEG-4 AVC BD-50 / High Profile 4.1
Running time: 1:45:55
Movie size: 34,20 GB
Disc size: 40,38 GB
Average video bit rate: 35.28 Mbps

DTS-HD Master Audio English 4256 kbps 5.1 / 48kHz / 24-bit / 4256kbps (DTS Core: 5.1 / 48kHz / 24-bit / 1536kbps)
Dolby Digital Audio English 448 kbps 4.0 / 48kHz / 448kbps
Dolby Digital Audio English 224 kbps 2.0 / 48kHz / 224kbps
Dolby Digital Audio French 224 kbps 2.0 / 48kHz / 224kbps
Dolby Digital Audio Spanish 224 kbps 2.0 / 48kHz / 224kbps

Subtitles: English SDH / Chinese / French / Korean / Spanish
Number of chapters: 25

#Commentary by Director Lewis Teague
#6 Deleted scenes - (HD)
# Romancing the Nile: A winning sequel - (SD - 21 minutes)
# Adventures of a romance novelist - (SD - 8 minutes)
# Theatrical trailer October 18, 2008

One of the best comedy and action movies of all times!

It's one of the best comedy and action movies of all times. The dialogues are witty and tickling. The actions are non-stop. The chemistry between the two main characters are sizzling and lovely. I've watched it four times over the years.

I own it. Another favorite comedy of mine is Just Like Heaven. October 5, 2008

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