House of Wax (2005)

One of the better films of my generation

Unfortunately, my youth is corrupted by stupid horror films such as 'Saw' and the remakes like 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)', but there were some goods as well. I liked the remake of Dawn of the Dead, House of 1,000 Corpses and some other movies from the earlier 2000's, may of them remind me of middle school and early high school, but one of my faves was House of Wax. I saw it one night and fell in love with it. It's creepy and it's actually a pretty good new look at an amazing 50's classic. The cast included some decent actors (please note Paris Hilton does actually deliver an almost convincing role for the first time ever) playing...herself more or less...and the atmosphere and suspense were solid. Definitely one of the best horror movies of the 2000's, which of course, isn't really saying all that much...because the 70's and 80's were much more effective with horror flicks. A good film though :) August 12, 2008

A triumph of style over substance

It is almost a shame that they decided to title this film "House of Wax," for it caused many, like myself, to see it in terms of the 1953 "House of Wax," Andre de Toth's 3D Magnum Opus. Credit is given to Charles Belden, author of "Mystery of the Wax Museum," the 1933 film that both "Houses" are based upon, which both surprised and pleased me. The script follows a well-worn path, first beaten down by "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," but is given new life by the lively direction of Jaume Collet-Serra and Stephen Windon's slick cinematogaphy. The performances are solid, for the most part, with Elisha Cuthbert stalwartly working amid gooey wax and animal carcasses. Brian Van Holt does double duty as the twins Bo & Vincent--but which one is the crazy one? Jared Padalecki endures the most uncomfortable scene (and makeup) in the film; I have a feeling that if he was in the position he is in now in film, he might have gotten a meatier role. Chad Michael Murray makes a good latter day Steve McQueen and although most people have jockeyed for first position to badmouth Paris Hilton, she does fine for the part she was given to play. The real star is Graham "Grace" Walker's wonderful production design of the creepy little town and in the center of it all the House of (literally) Wax. Another high point is John Ottman's evocative score, which is often spoiled by the overlapping of some fairly obnoxious modern "music." All in all, a fun and appropriately icky horror film for Our Modern Audiences. August 10, 2008

Decent slasher flick!

Didn't really know how this movie was going to pan out, because I knew it was going to be another remake from an older edition. I ended up loving this movie! I didn't think it was anything like the older one.

The storyline was easy to follow & I didn't find it to be too gory. (I don't do scary movies very well). A lot of it was very cliche & you knew exactly what was going to happen before it did, but some of it was twisted enough to throw you off.

The characters were kind of dumb. Paris Hilton sucks as an actress, but still a great flick. One of my fav. horror movies because I can watch it over & over again & it still has the same effect! June 20, 2008

An exercise in stupid

To be fair, this tired and critically awful formulaic "horror" did manage to make a little profit (68 million for a budget of 40 million), but being part of a mostly awful genre entirely doesn't excuse this one from being, on the part of most all the characters, an exercise in stupid.

What do I mean by that? I mean that by the end of the movie, you couldn't care less who died or got maimed, and would actually believe they are either deserving, or simply too stupid to live. To make a "Saw" reference, if Jigsaw caught any of these teens, and put them in the trap where they are covered in flammable fluid, with a poison in their system, an antidote in a safe, the combination painted all over the walls, and a single candle to see in the dark, these teens would most likely burn their own eye with the candle, or drop it and step on it, and accidentally get an infection from stepping all over the glass before the poison even takes effect on them.

The Villains:
So there're these two twins, siamese, and they're disconnected, but one is horribly disfigured because of it. So his whole deal is because he's ostracized as a freak, he builds things out of wax. He's also making a mask for himself out of wax, which makes him look like an 80s horror serial killer, even though we're supposed to feel sorry for him and think he's not really such a bad guy---it's his snarky brother who's the bad influence.

The Teens:
Even the teens in "House of 1000 Corpses" are more likeable! Aside from Elisha Cuthbert's character (all of their names I never bothered to learn) and her boyfriend, the teens seem born to die. They're the kind of people you'd expect to be raised in a place like Beverly Hills without ever reading a book, watching something not on MTV or VH1, or even going to a private school but being homeschooled by apathetic tutors. They're simply the sort of people you'd want to kill too if you were the bad guys in the film.

The Stupid:
I'm going to list specific examples, but really there's a lot more.

- Paris Hilton's character catches the killer off-guard: she's got a big wooden stick and manages to bash him in his mask. He stumbles back, probably with his head reeling. Paris Hilton proceeds to THROW AWAY the stick, and RUN. This would be a semi-logical solution if the killer hadn't SLASHED her Achilles Tendon moments earlier. She's dead a few moments later.

- Elisha Cuthbert's character is strapped to a chair in the basement of a gas station by the other brother. Her lips are sealed with some sort of glue or wax. The boyfriend shows up outside, and the brother is talking to him. She can see them through a metal grill above her. She manages to get free. Rather than work on prying her lips open, she LOOKS AWAY, and STICKS HER FINGER THROUGH THE GRILL. The brother swiftly reaches down and CUTS OFF THE TIP OF HER FINGER. Only then does she bother to try and pry her lips open with her hands.

- The teens are camping in a big open field. A pick-up truck pulls up with the headlights on. The kids call out to the driver, who doesn't respond. One of the teens chucks a beer bottle and breaks one of the headlights. The car inconspicuously drives off. Clearly, walking the short distance to the car and asking "what's up?" took more effort than hurling a glass bottle that distance with the intent of creating a lawsuit if the driver weren't one of the killers.

- The killer has been knocked unconscious by the Cuthbert's boyfriend character. They don't bother to check if he's dead, nor do they bother to ENSURE that he's dead after shooting him once in the chest with a miniature crossbow that is most likely just a prop or a weapon for hunting animals rather than a human-killing device.

- Elisha Cuthbert and/or her boyfriend think it's no big deal to be obnoxious, rude, and suspicious of a random guy who's offered to drive you into town when you're stranded in the woods. This is well before they've encountered anyone remotely threatening.


BONUS Killer stupidity: - It's apparently a good idea to build an entire house out of wax in LOUISIANA. This brings back memories from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" in which that Indian nobleman hired Wonka to build him a palace made of Chocolate. In India.


So here you have a small sampling of the rampant stupid which makes the teens in this movie too stupid to live. The movie wasn't good, either. April 6, 2008

KIND OF OKAY

House of wax was sort of entertaining especially seeing paris hilton get killed,every time i see that i just love it.It wasn't a brutal death but watching that makes you feel good.Anyway you have your typical teenagers heading somewhere than ending up getting killed.This is a pretty stupid movie but that's why it's fun there's a guy who turns people into wax and has a brother who is just like him just not with a messed up face.So i'll just start where it get's good two people get in a truck with a stranger to get to a gas station.They end up in a town they have never heard of and there's no one in that town but two psycho's so you know what happens next the killing starts not right way but it happens.I don't like typing much so you'll just have to get the movie to see what happens and it had some fun parts and of course some boring parts overall it's pretty cool film i hate the guy who played paris boyfriend tough good thing he gets killed,so get it rent or buy whatever. March 7, 2008

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